The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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