its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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