Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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