Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
