i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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