Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
