dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
