they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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