well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
