someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
