I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
