so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
