She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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