I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My ass is underappreciated
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize