he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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