The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
