Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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