So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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