im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
