Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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