highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
