Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
