Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
