I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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