He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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