based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
