My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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