yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
