"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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