after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
