Im at strip club and am horny
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
