The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
