U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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