Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
