dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
