And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
