i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
