So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Randomize
