Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
