He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
