i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
