Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
