great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize