i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
