Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
