I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
