I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
