I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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