I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
