did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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