I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
