I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
