If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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