paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
