Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
