WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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