I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
