I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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