I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
