just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
