i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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