Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
