SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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