you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
