Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
