so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
